B13 I Made So Many Mistakes
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B13 I Made So Many Mistakes
I didn’t say what I was supposed to say. It sounded awkward. Why was I actually sitting there the whole time when I was useless? He laughed at me. He said that I was a religious fanatic. Oh, how many opportunities have been wasted, corrupted and lost… Forgive me, Lord…
As you can see, I am on the path of searching with you. I observe, search, think, ask Jesus, I listen to the experiences of others – good and bad, I study stories from areas of the world where the movement really proceeds, I try new things and, of course, I spoil a lot of things.
If something makes it look today that now how to,
I probably messed up enough in that area.
I have done things foolishly, ineffectively, repulsively, in vain… Nevertheless, I learn to take every successful and unsuccessful conversation with my unbelieving friends as an opportunity. If something fails in some contact, I sit in peace at home then and imagine that the same situation is just beginning again. What could I say differently? How else could I respond? I’m thinking of more alternatives. And I consult these reconstructions with Jesus: What would you do in my place, Jesus? What do you recommend me for next? Is there anything I can do to be more effective? Is anything of this just up to you?
I know that exactly same situation will never happen again; yet this imaginary reconstruction helps me cope with the feeling of failure. By the way, it’s just a feeling; it’s usually not a real failure! And above all, I benefit from these lessons for similar future situations. If you sometimes feel that you have done something wrong, that you don’t now something in contact with unbelievers, or even that you are simply not made for it, be sure that you are in the right party. This is how everyone sometimes felt, who then went out and effectively served unbelievers to know Jesus.
In addition to many failures, I also learn from what others have done wrong. I’m not criticizing, I just watch and maybe ask. I’m looking for a way to do better. Have you heard of someone „evangelizing“ someone? Did you like it? Or were you ashamed to have anything to do with it? Sometimes I get the impression that we should record our conversations with people, and then listen to ourselves after a few weeks. Perhaps we would perceive our own aggression, bitterness, manipulation, or rather indistinctness, weakness, or find that it was not clear what we actually wanted to say.
We should not record a person unannounced, however, having a partner with you is usually excellent authentic feedback. And rehearsal will definitely help you to make it better next time.
So, I see many of my failures and disappointments. I see helplessness, absurdity and despair. If something around me today looks like an easy product of spiritual gift or natural talent, know that it is not so! There are many mistakes, failures, many tough fights and especially more and more attempts and further falls and new attempts. At the same time, there is a lot of observing, imitating, learning and testing behind it all.
Let me say one more important message:
Jesus is not looking for disciples who are extraordinarily gifted,
but devotedly obedient.
He seeks those who will keep all He Himself has commanded us. (Matthew 28:18-20) And one of His clear commandments is to go and make disciples. Thanks for watching these lessons and following them with me.
Lord Jesus, thank you that our weaknesses and failures are not an obstacle for you to do your work through us, which reaches even to eternity.