D02 Just Don’t Be Yourself
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D02 Just Don’t Be Yourself
Imagine a real story that really happened. A stuttering boy has many complexes and stutters hard when speaking. He is sixteen. He was invited as an assistant to a retreat for children. Among other things, he is given a task: You will play the king in the all-day game! „I-I-I c-c-can’t d-d-do that!“ S-s-such th-th-things are n-n-not f-f-for me… “ „You don’t have to talk at all. The children will walk around the stations and bring you various things. You will smile at them and point them on to further tasks. ”After a moment of persuading, I accepted the role of the king. And I was really surprised. I was quite good at being a kind king! Lo and behold, even though it wasn’t part of my role, I even spoke as the king! Benevolently, with d-d-dignity, s-s-slowly. I was kindly sending my subjects to the next station.
I believe that such opportunities have contributed to my gradual inner healing; to my transformation. The Lord Jesus says, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wants to save his soul will lose it; but whoever loses his soul for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 16: 24-25).
I-I- I wanted to „s-s-save my soul“! With my s-s-stuttering I would only be embarrassed a-a-again in the role of king; like a thousand t-t-times before. And I would ruin the whole game. Instead of “saving my soul“ I went to the risk of feeling embarrassed again. In a way I destroyed my soul. I take much greater risks today. For me, being with unbelievers initially meant „killing my soul.“ When you are talking to someone who directly declares, in front of others, that you are a religious fanatic, it’s kind of „killing your soul.“ Learning new things — and trying them in contact with unbelievers with uncertain results — that is to “destroy one’s soul.” It was as if the Lord Jesus had told me: „Don’t be yourself!“ On the contrary – deny yourself! Kill your soul – for me! This will not only preserve your soul, but will also save many others. This is the most non-sensical thing that Christians do: They want to preserve their souls, they want to remain themselves. The Lord Jesus says, „He who kills his soul for my sake will save it.“ Kill your soul! Free yourself from the iron shirt of your supposed safety, from your previous ideas of yourself. From the insufficient ideas about Jesus and from the wrong ideas about the people you have to reach!
The Lord Jesus says, „Deny yourself.“ You no longer exist! – That is denial. I don’t exist! If that day (and since then many more times) I had „saved my soul“ and had not played the role of the king, I might still be sitting somewhere in the corner like a stuttering boy full of complexes. The form in which I saw myself at that moment was not yet the complete Pavel as Jesus intended! It was just his limited caricature. The caricature had to be denied – ignored. (The Lord Jesus is still working on me …!)
The way you see yourself now, you are probably not yet the complete and free „YOU“ as Jesus intended you! You are, in fact – through Jesus’s sacrifice – a treasure! In Jesus, you are someone much richer, bigger, more powerful, more skilled than you are feeling right now. In addition, you have Jesus’s great calling to make His disciples, and the Master is always with you – he has your back!
Lord Jesus, I ask for my friends who are watching these videos, for courage and obedience, to deny themselves according to Your calling and to follow You in reaching more disciples – for Your glory and for the salvation of many. And thank you very much for those who have already begun the journey…